Off Topic: Cool Dog (2010)

Cool Dog, directed by Danny Lerner who is responsible for directing and producing pretty much every one of Steven Seagal's films, has really done it this time. Besides giving birth to the fat, balding martial artists tortuous sorry career, he has achieved the stature to be named with the likes of Uwe Boll, Tyler Perry, and Ed Wood. In what I pray is the last film of his career, a boy named "Jimmy" and his best pal/dog "Rainy" become separated when the family decides to move from New Orleans to a "no dogs allowed" apartment in NY. Not to fear though... this dog is no slouch, after watching some TV and listening to music through headphones on his neck (this is the dog I'm talking about mind you) Rainy follows a trail of Liquorice from NO to NY. How is this possible you ask? Why, its simple... Rainy operates an array of complicated machinery, from trains to boats to cars while simultaneously playing checkers, the banjo, piano, buying hot dogs and giving the vendor money with his paw. All of this would have been somewhat bearable if it wasn't for the actors... they make the mentally challenged people in Crispin Glover's films look like the Marlon Brando's of our time, and that's being forgiving. I wouldn't wish this movie on my worst enemy and the mere fact that Hollywood allowed its existence made me consider abandoning film and taking my own life.


The Films budget was two million dollars... Where is your god now?